RRSA! (Rachel Ray Strikes Again!)

We have copious TV's in the office. They're all over the place and most are on CNN 24/7, which is fine by me. So imagine my abject horror when walking down the hall to the copy room, one of the TV's was on The Rachel Ray Show. Before I continue, let me once again state: I can’t stand Rachel Ray. I can't stand the casseroles, I can't stand the fake cheeriness, and I can't stand that she finds it perfectly ok to ruin something as divine as Olive Oil by calling it EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil).

Back to my story:
It's bad enough that her, ahem, "show" was on. It was bad enough that someone, (and I don't know who, but I'll fish them out), changed the mind-advancing, informational bastion that is CNN for the pure drivel, idiocy and mind numbing that is The Rachel Ray, ahem, "Show" -- all of these things were cause enough for this rant... but it gets worst.

On today's, ahem, "show" RR gave a woman a SARAH PALIN MAKEOVER! Oh my God, if Nicholas Cage (someone who makes my skin crawl) had walked on stage I would have had a heart attack right then and there. The woman who is single handedly bringing us back to the 1950’s Betty Crocker culinary world, giving women makeovers in the style of the woman who would single handedly bring us back to the intellectual dark ages that were, well, the Dark Ages? Surely, this IS the end of days.

But now that I think about it, isn't it perfect? In fact thinking about it more, it's a casserole dream come true! I can see them now, Sarah having had just killed a baby seal by throwing a Jesus bomb on its head from a helicopter, lovingly handing over the carcass to Rachel who with all the culinary genius she possesses, serves her very best Taco Surprise for Sunday dinner.

For those of you who think I'm exaggerating about these recipes by the way, yesterday's recipe on her, ahem, "show", was a Turkey Patty Melt. A Patty Melt? You need a recipe for this? Rachel, darlin', you mean you made something that is basically nothing more than a grilled cheese sandwich, and threw some Turkey in it, this close to Thanksgiving??? How did you come up with it girl? Genius, pure genius.

Choco-Luvvvvvv

The other day, in a moment of weakness, I went to Whole Foods to get lunch. Some of you know of my hatred of Whole foods, it based on many things, not the least of which is "organic" bullion cube for $3.59, for a box of 4 cubes... GIVE ME A BREAK! Do me a favor, go to the $.99 cent store and get yourself 36 cubes for the price of 1 box from Whole Foods. Ok, Dennis Miller moment aside, I got lunch at Whole Foods.

And, as always, those clever little marketing bastards put all the goodies on the line next to you while waiting to buy said overpriced lunch, and this is why I grabbed a “Chocolove” chocolate bar -- with raspberries. To say it was amazing is an understatement. Ladies, I urge you to run to a Target (yes for some reason they sell the brand at both Whole Foods and Target, go fig!), and grab yourself a bar of your choosing. It is SERIOUSLY good.

Being a trained pastry chef, I am particularly picky about my chocolate. I find most of the stuff on the market to be too sweet, too waxy, not well made (anytime you open a chocolate bar and it has that kind of white filmy layer on it, it means that when the chocolate was being made they didn't melt or cool it to the right temperatures), or chalky. This stuff was perfect. In fact, so perfect that I spread the love amongst the other ladies in the office, and everyone was choco-gasm-ing (just made that up).

I checked out they're website, and the flavor options and grades of chocolate are a dream. The bars run the gambit from 33% milk chocolate to 77% cocoa (that’s pretty dark by the way. That means that the bar is 77% cocoa and only 23% milk). They have a line of “Vintage” chocolates from different countries, much like wines, and the flavor combos are amazing! They even have “organic” bars, stemming from cocoa beans that have been farmed and raised organically. The company has great gift boxes and gift ideas, and the wrappers on the bars are lovely -- they're made to look like love letters, complete with stamps.

If you’re a serious chocolate lover, and like a strong chocolate, I suggest you also check out Scharffen Berger chocolates (which are not generally found in stores other than their own, although you can get them at Fairway and Dean & Deluca), which are more pricey than the average bar. Scharffen Berger is a family run, American brand that is not for the faint of heart, this stuff has a bite.

The economy being what it is, I’ve decided that my holiday shopping list will consist of divine Chocolove bars wrapped in pretty bows. It’s simple, it’s yummy, and come on, it’s CHOCLATE!

You'll thank me for this one:

I am a serious garlic lover -- the more garlicky, the better. That being said, even I can admit that peeling and chopping garlic is a pain. No matter the instrument, whether it be that rubber tube thing that takes the skin off, or a garlic press, or small hand held chopping apparatus, it’s always a mess.

Thankfully, there's garlic paste. It comes in tubes or jars, and is NOT to be confused with bottled chopped garlic which is always miserable and tasteless. Depending on the brand, some are saltier than others, you have adjust your seasoning, but all garlic paste is a “good thing” (thank you, Martha).

You can use it exactly the same way you would fresh garlic. Heat in oil and sauté with it, it’s wonderful in sauces, and you can make a really good rub for meats, fish, and poultry. I introduced my Mother to the wonders of garlic paste this summer, and she hasn't looked back since. Of course this isn't some grand new discovery, but most people either forget it exists, only use it for salad dressings, or have never even thought about it... so next time your at the market, grab a tube and experiment, you'll thank me for this one.